


The right ingredient for a perfect day

by msarahv



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: First Kiss, Graduation, Groundhog Day AU, Jack's POV, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:04:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msarahv/pseuds/msarahv
Summary: Jack says good-bye to college and the Haus. Then he does a second time, then at third... Every time he relives the day, something is off and he had to figure out what.





	1. Day one

**Author's Note:**

> For the Tumble Prompt :  
> "groundhog day au, where jack lives through graduation over and over again until he kisses bitty"  
> Hope I do it justice. :)

Jack feels like he's floating on air. That's the thing when you're dealing with anxiety all the time. The bad moments suck, extremely, but the good moments, the victories... It's even better than winning a match and that's saying something.

 

Today, he's graduating.

 

It's been a while since he's thought about it, actually, the dark times, in the hospital room, the way his parents looked at him like he was broken. He felt so bad, making them suffer like that, it was unbearable. Now, it didn't go away, it never will, but it has faded enough that he's been able to build up his life anew and he's damn grateful. He's a hard worker, discipline is his middle name (well, no, but according to Holster it is) and he's had to get over himself more time than he wants to admit...

 

But he did it. And now, in his parent's eyes, there's only pride and it feels like an explosion down his spine. It's so weird hearing Shitty telling him he's like a robot, when in fact, he feels so intensely all the time. If he were to show any of it, surely he would crumble to the ground, so he doesn't. He just stands next to his best friend, surrounded by his team and he lets himself soak in the happiness of the moment.

 

Cute little Bittle is next to him, smiling at the camera, motionless and yet radiating energy like he always does. He's like a fountain, providing pies and songs whether you want them or not, a ray of sunshine Jack didn't take seriously and now has proven himself over and over. Jack is happy to have chosen such a nearby town, so that he will see everybody whenever he can. He was broken when he met them and now he's whole, still fragile, but so much better at living.

 

Larissa and him say good-bye quickly. Nothing much needs to be said, it's so easy for him. He's confident he's left his team in good hands and he likes that she'll board with them too. She doesn't show it but she needs a family as much as he does, especially with Shitty leaving for Yale. He wonders how he will manage without his routine being shaken up on the regular by a loud naked madman, but well, that's what growing up means and he's quite late about that. So many years wasted...

 

He's hugged everyone, he thinks. He kind of hopes Bittle will bring him cookies for the road, but he seems to have vanished.

“Those alumni events get longer every year! Ready to head back to the hotel?”

His father must have been socializing a lot to be talking in English to him. Back in Montreal, French is all they use with each other, whereas Alicia uses both.

 

Jack feels tired, all of a sudden. He doesn't like crowds, even for a day like this. Melancholy raises its petty head, bursting the happiness bubble with memories and regrets. He wants to stay here, in Samwell, in the world he's gotten used to, and he wants to go home and spend times with his parents and feel cared for and loved, but what he has to do is go forward. That means Providence, and his new apartment, all cold and empty, that he will have to fill up. He hopes that his new team will ask a lot from him, so that his time is filled and he doesn't have time to miss his friends.

 

The car ride is short and the dinner pleasant. His mother hugs him tight, like he's five years old again and his father tells him to remember to enjoy himself. Jack wants to answer that he will, but he's too exhausted. He's like an empty shell and he just want to crash into bed.

 

Maybe tomorrow can be better.

 


	2. Day two

He's awoken by a naked butt landing on his chest.

“Jack! My man! We are graduating today!”

Jack sits, confused. His dream is fading in the distance. Last thing he remembers is driving to Providence. Trust his mind to run scenarios in preparation for his big day. Although, it was quite anxiety-free, even if a little sad.

 

He runs downstairs, to the incredible smell of a Maple Sugar Crusted Apple Pie and sighs. Looks like this will be his breakfast today and why not? He smiles at Bittle who's toiling at the stove, but doesn't distract him. Holster and Ransom come in and fill the room with unending noise. The noise doesn't stop all day.

 

His parents are happy and he's happy, with his friends surrounding him. They all pose for a last photo, after Bittle's many “selfies”, and then it's over. He hates the goodbyes and tries to make them last. His parents are busy, so he looks around to see who's left.

 

Bittle is on his phone. He always is and it's satisfying to see him act like always. The Haus will continue on, without Jack, with Bittle at its heart. 

“Bittle? You're on your own?”

He looks up and smiles at Jack. Why does he look so shy? He looks at him like he's a stranger. They talk a little and it feels forced and awkward. Jack remembers when they took a course together, how easy it was, how they bonded and he discovered the pleasure of getting a coffee (and spill some of it on Bittle, yeah, fun times...), and even baking with a quasi-chef. He wants to find this connection again, but it doesn't work. They shake hands and he even pats his friend's shoulder.

 

He runs to find his father and they leave soon after. Georgia is befriending his mother fast. They joke and laugh in the car but something's off. 

 

When he lies on his new bed, in his new place, after seeing goodnight to his parents, who are using the guest room and will leave in the morning, he starts wishing the day had gone differently. He doesn't know how, but something went wrong. 

 

As he falls asleep, he starts mixing memories with some of his dream and none of them make sense.

 


	3. Day three

He wakes up early, to get ready for his first day. The bed is not as comfortable as he would have thought. The light is coming from the wrong side too...

 

He sits up, panicked. He's in Samwell. How could he have dreamed again? Everything felt so real and so similar. He gets up and washes his face in the bathroom. There's no naked Shitty around, so yes, it's different, he guesses.

 

But the smell downstairs isn't. The same pie on the table, the same Bittle, with his hair going in every direction, and his big cute eyes and heavy dark rings underneath. He must have gotten up during the night and gone on a baking spree. It's strange as this mostly happens when he's stressed and today's the start of summer vacations for him. Maybe he'll miss the Haus and its inhabitants too. Jack grabs his coffee cup and his pie slice and stands next to the oven. They talk for a while and he's rewarded by a big smile. The day is starting great. Looks like his brain was cooking up stupid scenarios to screw with him. He can't wait for his parents to turn up. But he stays in the kitchen for a while longer, because why waste a good moment?

 

He's feeling so proud for making it, and yet so humbled. All this drama after the draft, and now here he is, with friends that care about him and show it every day. Shitty is excited but behaves, standing next to Jack for their graduation pictures, looking genuinely happy. Next to him, Larissa is beaming. Jack wonders if Shitty has come clear about his feelings when he offered her his dibs. 

 

Next to Jack, there's Bittle, all groomed and wearing his little bow tie. Jack feels softened, just looking at him. When everyone's left, he goes back to the Well, and feels his heart skip a beat when he spots Bittle. He walks to him, determined, but then stops in his tracks. What will they talk about? They're leaving, to different worlds. He will miss him. He will miss all of this and it's already disappearing, folded with the chairs they put near the pond for the ceremony. Ransom and Holster have left, Shitty has strangled Jack in the biggest hug ever, then kidnapped Larissa. 

 

So he stays put, watching Bittle walk around, looking a little lost, then heading towards the Haus. Jack feels shitty for not saying a proper good-bye. He feels like a little boy again, frozen by anxiety, and then beating himself up for not being strong enough like his dad.

 

In the car, he doesn't say anything and just watches the road. His mother's hand is on his shoulder but she's silent too. The dark around him grows and he prays that it doesn't stay, that it's just a normal reaction to such a big change in his life. He tries not to think about Bittle, so small and so nice, all alone at the end of the day...

 

He takes his phone and writes a text:

' _Bye Bittle. I'll see you before the season starts_ .'

He waits, his hands shaking and his brain on the loose, but the answer comes immediately.

' _Bye Jack. Have a great summer. Thanks for everything_ .'

And Jacks wants to say ' _Thank_ You ' but he doesn't. Instead, he retreats a little bit more in his head.

 

During dinner, his dad looks concerned and whispers a few questions in French but Jack lies and says he's just exhausted and things will be better tomorrow.

 

He stands near his new bed and wonders if tomorrow will actually come.

 


	4. Day four

Jack opens his eyes and sighs. He waits, patiently. When his phone reads 8, a loose Shitty makes a dash for his bed. Jack moves to the side to let him fall, then sits next to his best friend and says:

“Shitty, I have a big problem.”

Shitty's smile disappears in less than a second. Jack is seriously impressed.

“Tell me about it.”

“All right, but I doubt you'll believe me.”

“Jack, I will always believe you, you should know that.”

 

Of course, he doesn't. Who would? If any of their teammate were to tell him they were re-living the same day, over and over, he'd ask how much they drunk the night before. But Shitty at least doesn't mock him or tell the other. He just talks about “lucid dreams” and such and Jack is almost convinced.

 

That is until he can smell the maple pie. He's tempted to tell Bitty about his trial, but he's not ready for the gentle comforting response he'll most likely get from him.

 

So, instead, he spends the day watching what unfolds, noting the time, observing. He sees Hoslter steal Chowder's can of coke and throw it around, and then Ransom lecturing him about “captainly attitude” and such. He's happy they are his successors. They compliment each other well.

 

He doesn't spend much time talking with his parents and his mother asks why he's frowning so much. He apologizes but keeps looking around, looking for differences and not finding much. His interactions differ but the student next to him dropping his diploma and the big cloud blocking the sun still happen exactly like the “days” before.

 

Larissa takes him aside and whispers:

“Jack, you're acting unlike yourself. What's the deal?”

“Nothing, I'm just saying my good-byes.”

She squint at him and asks again, but finally lets him go when Shitty calls her.

 

By this time, everyone has left expect for Bitty who's once again typing on his phone. Why such a social person choses to hang out by himself is baffling Jack. He touches his shoulder gently:

“So, uh, good-bye Bittle.”

Bitty moves forward but then stops and waves awkwardly:”

“Bye, Jack. Have fun with your new team. You're going to be a star, now.”

Jack wants to answer something nice in return or funny or something but the best he can come up with is:

“That doesn't mean I'll forget you guys. I'll visit a lot.”

Bitty nods seriously, then turns around. Jack stays put and waits for his father. When he sees him walk to him, he hears him utter the exact same English words about alumni events.

 

Jack wants to cry.

 


	5. Day five

Before he opens his eyes, Jack takes a decision. If this day turns out to be a repeat of the four distinct memories he has of graduation day, he'll deal with it like a Captain. After all that's how he's dealt with his anxiety up until now, by being supremely in control, and disciplined, and reasonable, his wild emotions left to rot.

 

He looks around his college room, that he can't seem to leave, and walks to his CD player. Ray Charles starts singing and he feels a little stronger. He wishes he could bring the music around but he doesn't have songs on his phone, nor does he own earplugs. So he sits on his perfectly made bed for a while, waiting for Shitty to show up.

 

When the door opens, he gets up and dashes to the bathroom, leaving his friend to land on an empty mattress. The yelling this prompts is soon covered by the sound of the shower, as well as Jack's loud singing.

 

“Georgia,... Georgia, no peace, no peace I find...”

“Jack, let me in!”, the banging is insistent, but Jack is focused. One thing at a time, to leave him time for analysis. There must be a reason and he will find it...

 

Of course, the door is old and weak against Shitty's determination. They end up in a joint shower, which Jack doesn't mind too much. After all, it's the last time before they go their own ways.

 

Or at least it should be. He can feel his throat closing but he clenches his teeth and go put on some running clothes. He'll have breakfast later. In the kitchen there's his favorite pie, but there's also Bitty, who's all closed up and sad, and Jack needs time to be ready to face that.

 

Splits, number of steps, times, every part of the run is a way to focus. The Pond is a shining blue, but he can still picture his team sliding on the thick ice and even small Bitty jumping and twirling masterfully, like the full athlete he is. Sometimes, Jack feels really bad for having underestimated him at first. Bitty, who came to talk to him and ask how he was doing. He was there when Jack needed him...

 

He turns and goes back to the Haus. He owes Bitty a nice friendly chat. So do his other friends, actually, even Shitty. Larissa, he'll see later, he knows where she will be. This is a such a strange notion, knowing what's going to happen. It's frightening, but also a little intoxicating. It's like a power.

 

Bitty is doing the dishes and doesn't notice him at first. Jack doesn't see the pie anywhere, although the aroma lingers. He coughs and clears his voice. His “Hello, Bittle!” sounds really captainly to his own ears but Bitty still turns and smiles widely. Jack gets his pie slice and a nice chat about summer plans. Bitty's eyes light up when he talks, and his whole body shakes with excitement. Jack wants to keep this moment in his head, to perform again in the same way.

 

He spends time taking care of his team. He gets ready to prevent Holster from stealing Chowder's coke and then lectures him himself. He even takes the two future captains to the green couch and explains what the responsibility is. They nod along but sometimes, Jack catches a smile they can't hide. He lets them go.

 

He greets his parents and makes sure he is a good devoted son. He listens to their pride and happiness and thanks them gravely. When they leave for the alumni event, he is stuck. This is the part he dislikes the most.

 

Well, he did spend time with Bittle in the morning and it was perfect, so he decides instead to go wait in the car. There, he reflects on the day and wonders if the nightmare will end. It's quite anxiety-free which is a very good sign.

 

He taps the wheels and realizes he's singing again:

 

“... still in peaceful dreams, I see, the road leads back to you...”

 

The roads leads to Providence, not Georgia. There's his future there, his far away tomorrow. Of course, Bittle is the one going there. Maybe Jack will take Mrs Bittle's word and visit there. If he ever gets out of this loop, that is.

 

That evening, he realizes that all this strength and discipline was useless. His mind is still restless and sad. He has to find out why. He can feel his sanity slip away. It's not the first time it happens and that makes it even more frightening.

 


	6. Day six

The next time he wakes up, he decides to flee. The best way to do this is to climb into his own head, in a specific part free from anxiety and sadness. He knows how to get there.

There aren't a lot of geese on the river, but he still manages to snatch the passing of a ginger cat on the bridge's rail and also a ray of sunshine caressing Faber's roof. His camera is light in his hand and the focus is helping him keep his mind in an enjoyable haze. He shoots for hours until it is almost time to meet his parents.

 

He manages to reach his room without meeting anyone. He loves his friends, he does, but he's tired of the repeats. He feels all good-byes have already been had and now is just a day to be filled with whatever he wants. And what he wants is his hobby. Something he does for himself, with no pressure at all, even when he was taking the course. He remembers his professor, pushing them to go beyond beauty and into depth and meaning. He sits next to his bed and opens his case to find the folder where he put the compositions he used for his presentation.

 

A geese, another geese, a flock. A little dog he got to pet afterward. His photo subjects are simple and he loves that. They're his quiet place. Even the ones of his teammates lack the noisy atmosphere they usually bring. He looks at their smiling faces and feels content. He even smiles when he realizes that Bittle _is_ in every shot.

 

His cell rings just then, breaking the bubble of silence and asking him to perform again. He sighs and put a happy mask on. After all, the first time the day occurred, he was happy. At least for most of it. Then an unknown wave hit him. He's been struggling with the sadness for so long now, he had sincerely hoped that his camera could help.

 

Everyone asks where he's been. He lies just enough that they drop the subject and instead talk about Bitty's delicious pie and how could he has missed it. Holster, Lardo, Shits, even Chowder, all agree on this as if Bittle is the answer to every problems in his life. He wishes.

 

He makes an effort, though, and goes to Bittle just after the ceremony. He's promised a slice if he swings back to the Haus later on. He doesn't say no. He doesn't say yes either. Bittle's pies are heavenly, it's true, but they cannot fight the darkness of his mind.

 

So he says good-bye, to Bittle, Shitty, all his teammates and friends and feels the tears just about to spill. In the end, the only way out is to join his mother's alumni event. She's surprised but welcoming and shows him off with pride. He lets the chatter around dull his brain.

 

He doesn't get the slice pie.

 

He'll get one tomorrow after all.

 

And the day after.

 

And the day after.

 

That night, he actually cries. He doesn't even look at his new photos. They'll be gone anyway.

 

He wakes up before just before midnight. He's still in Providence. He tries staying up, to see when he switches back, but falls asleep after half an hour. He dreams of brown sad eyes.

 


	7. Day Seven

Maybe he should let go.

 

Jack knows he's serious-minded. It goes with the anxiety. You can laugh and have fun with your friends, but in your head, there is still this rotating red light warning you of all the upcoming dangers. There are always _consequences_ , reasons for him not to let his guard down. One wrong step and it's the end, that's what his brain believes anyway and it's really hard to argue against it, because experience has proven him right. He had fun with Parse and it almost destroyed the both of them. And then, fighting the anxiety itself has led to his fall.

 

But today, there is no consequences. He can do whatever he wants and the next day start over. He can discover what lightness of spirit means. He can even fuck up and it won't matter. He can take risks.

 

But it's been so long that he doesn't know where to start. He could drink too much, of course, but he remembers it too well, how it felt after. He could try other things, too, but he's never been tempted. Recreational drugs take you out of your body and he's a physical guy. He needs to act.

 

So, when Shitty lands on his bed, he tickles him, then tackles him.

When Bitty offers him pie, he pigs out on it, until he gets a tummy ache, like he did, sometimes, as a kid.

When Holster steals Chowder's Coke, he catches it and tosses it around. He can see Ransom looking conflicted between lecuring his best friend and opposing his Captain. So he steals Ransom's cap and tosses it to Holster. Everyone laughs and join in. There's surprise in Bittle's eyes, awe even. Jack feels on top of the world.

 

All in all, he's having fun but he doesn't cross any lines. He wonders if he should. He leaves the Haus to get to the Pond, when a girl stops and asks for a selfie and an autograph. He's about to refuse but then he pauses and smiles at her. Maybe he can have lots of fun. They start talking and she finally asks him out. She sounds extremely shy and the minute he accepts, she starts talking about her in an endearing way. It takes him a moment to realize that she didn't mean it in a casual sexy way. That's different, then. Like he always does if that happens, he examines his own feelings and as nothing's here at all, he gets ready to retract his answer.

Then, he stops.

And decides to play the game. It's okay, really, he tells himself firmly. It's not like she will remember him. It's just one day before reset. And he'll have the pleasure of a hook-up without any guilt or complications, for once. True, he'll have to feign his interest and be deceptive but that will be an experience...

 

 

He meets his parents but doesn't stick around much. He doesn't even meet his mother's eyes.

Instead, he roams among the students preparing for the ceremony, felling painfully detached, in a way he hadn't felt the other repetitive days. He refuses to dwell on that or on the unpleasant sensation at the pit of his stomach and marches on.

He spots the girl easily. She's looking at him with an awe that's familiar for some reason. Well, Shitty always rave on how attractive he is, and anyway, he's used to seeing startruck people around his family. He thinks about his father and how he got his nickname : having fun. Although, Jack isn't sure if he actually played with a person's feelings like he's about to do. The line is getting nearer and he's almost ready to fall.

 

It's actually difficult for him to pretend, not just because he's lying, but also because he's so bad at relationships. He's dated, true, but only on the basis of objective appreciation. Camille was a fine tennis player, very disciplined and passionate about sport, but he never made efforts to woo her or make her feel special. He wonders once again if he's broken.

 

He's preparing a speech in his head, about how it's so fast, but he can't keep her out of his mind and the distance will be so much, and maybe they could go check in a hotel for an hour. His stomach hurts so much, he's starting to have heartburns.

But before he can voice any of that, he looks up, just behind her hair. Bittle's here, talking with Lardo. He looks so beautiful, Jack forgets about everything else. He can almost hear his voice, thick with accent, but genuine and almost motherly. Jack cannot kid himself, he knows that Bitty would never act like Jack's about to, nor would he caution it.

 

He just has time to explain to the girl that it's a bad idea to go out and that he's sorry he raised her hopes, before the nausea strikes.

 

He runs to the deserted Haus, because he doesn't need to just puke, he also needs to go to his room, lie down and beat himself up for being such a jerk.

 

The ceremony must happen in the mean time. He's switched his cell off, waiting for his parents to connect the dot and look for him here. He doesn't know what he'll tell them and strangely, even the fact that all will be reset later on isn't sufficient. He wants to get out of this Hell, but he doesn't want to betray himself either. The tears fall on the pillow like a river.

 

It's not his father who calls for him, though.

“Jack? Are you in there? Everyone's really worried?” It's Bittle. Jack doesn't want to face him but he has no choice. The door opens.

 

Bitty is a gift to this team, Jack thinks, already feeling better after a few caring words and an offer for chicken soup. What he really want to ask Bittle is to sit on the bed next to him and create a cocoon of kindness and quiet, but in reality, he asks him to go with him to the Pond. At least, he'll be in the photos. Until the next time.

 


End file.
